Looking for THE ONE?
Maybe the problem is you…..
Okay, so I don’t mean it quite that harshly, but just think about it for a minute. Are you one of the many people who are determined to make this the year you find the one? Have you been hitting the dating scene for what seems like for…ever? Do you feel like either all the good ones are taken or that you simply attract only the losers?
I promise you aren’t alone.
There are many out there looking for love. Not just any love, but THE LOVE, the love of their life, the one who will make their world stand still, the one who will “complete” them, to use the cheesy Jerry Maguire line.
Here’s the cold, hard truth….. there isn’t someone out there who will complete you.
You have to be a whole person all on your own if you want to attract another whole person (and yes, that is what you want) to spend the rest of your life with. Now I am not saying that we all need to be perfectly whole and healthy to find love, but I will say that it is important to at least be on that path and understand that no other person can “fix” you or your problems.
With that being said, (and this is where you being your own problem comes in) do you even really know what THE ONE looks like? I don’t mean physically, I mean do you know what you want your ideal relationship to look like? Or are you simply waiting for it to magically appear in front of you? Are you just sure you’ll KNOW when it’s the right one?
How can you possibly know it’s THE ONE if you don’t even know the things it would take to make him or her the perfect fit for you?
It’s time to look at your past relationships. Figure out what it was about those relationships that didn’t work for you, the things you know you don’t want in your next relationship and use those to figure out what your ideal relationship really does look like. Take a look at the relationships of couples you admire and figure out what parts of it you would like have in your own.
Go ahead; make a list. Ask yourself “What do I really want?”
Think of it like preparing for a trip to the grocery store. Shopping is always faster and easier when you have planned your menus for the week and created your shopping list from that menu after determining what you already have in your cabinets. When you don’t shop this way you end up going to make a meal only to discover that you are missing half of the essential ingredients! The same thing can happen with your relationships.
I don’t tell you this on a whim nor am I simply giving you one more things to analyze in your life. I am giving you the tool that worked for me and others I know.
I did this exercise; in fact, I did it while I was still in an unhappy, abusive marriage. I figured out for myself what I needed in a relationship. I took all the things that weren’t working, all the things I wasn’t getting, all the things that were making me unhappy and I used those to figure out what I needed in order to have a deep, meaningful, fulfilling relationship.
I wrote them all down.
I got familiar with this list of needs, wants and desires, unsure if there was even someone out there who could fulfill them, but knowing that I would never again settle for less than an ideal relationship. The list served as a reminder of what I did deserve, what I did need and that there was nothing wrong with demanding those things. It reminded me that it was okay to leave the situation I was in because I deserved better.
The best thing this list did for me though was give me the ability to recognize my perfect match when he unexpectedly appeared in my life. If I had not made that list, I might have passed up THE MOST AMAZING man I have ever met. Our situation was less than ideal, he came into my life before I thought I was ready but because I knew what I needed from a partner, what I desired in a relationship and was able to recognize both in him, I took a chance, a chance that had I not gotten to know myself, my needs, wants and desires, I might have blown.
It’s time to make sure that you aren’t your own problem in your search for love. Make sure you know what your ideal relationship looks like so you can recognize THE ONE when he or she appears in your life, and stop wasting your time and energy on the ones who are missing the essential ingredients.
PJs or BJs: Does What You Sleep in Effect Your Sex Life?
Yesterday as I was checking out at my local Walgreens I grabbed a copy of the latest edition of Cosmo. I do this pretty often since they regularly have articles on sex and relationships and give me great fodder for my blog and this one was no exception. Right on the front cover was the title of an article I just had to read.
“What Guys Hate for You to Wear to Bed” 
I found this article particularly intriguing since I had just the day before been joking with my boyfriend about how he’s gotten seriously jipped in the sleepwear department.
The author of this particular piece suggests that if a woman’s “goal is to shrivel a man’s sex drive, then putting on one of these (a nightgown/sleep-shirt thing) at night is a good start.”
Really? Isn’t that a slight exaggeration? I mean after all it’s not like you don’t know what she looks like underneath it right?
He also complained that this type of sleep attire is the “equivalent of headgear.”
Come on! Give me a break! They’re pajamas, dude.
I was highly amused by his take on this especially considering the conversation I’d had with my boyfriend about it. See when I told Tom that he’s been jipped he was rather confused. So I explained it like this:
Most women, early in a relationship, make sure they have cute, sexy pajamas to sleep in. We want you to think we’re hot and sexy even in our sleep. This is of course before we get comfortable in a relationship. Once we’re settled in that cute, sexy but usually uncomfortable sleepwear goes straight out the window to be replaced by our favorite sweats, oversized t-shirts and the ever hated by all men, flannel pjs!!
Poor Tom, my boyfriend of less than one year, he never really got the cute sexy sleepwear phase.
Don’t get me wrong, I played the ‘I didn’t bring any pajamas with me, can I borrow a t-shirt’ card the first weekend we spent together because I know that guys, despite their dislike of oversized, shapeless sleepwear, LOVE when their girl wears their shirts.
I also figured it showed I didn’t plan on spending much time actually sleeping during my trip.
Fast forward 6 weeks to Tom’s trip to visit me and my kids. He stayed with us for 2 weeks and I went from hot new girlfriend that doesn’t wear pajamas to girlfriend who is the mom of a 9 year old girl and 12 year old boy.
Now I realize Cosmo is mostly written for the single girl but I know many married women and numerous moms who read this magazine as well. And as a mom let me tell you, sexy sleep attire doesn’t work well when your kids are that age. 
No kids want to see their mother’s butt cheeks hanging out of boy shorts or nipples showing through a thin tank top.
Yes, I know you can throw on a robe (if it’s clean and you can find it) or put on sweats when you get up but that doesn’t help when one of them is sick in the middle of the night or has a bad dream.
I hate to break it to men but for most mothers (and many of you men out there will end up dating a woman with kids at some point) and for most women in general, comfort will almost always win out when it comes to sleepwear.
Me in my favorite PJs!
When I asked this question of my Twitter followers and Facebook fans the general consensus was that clothing and pajamas can be used to enhance a man’s libido and could be used to gauge whether or not a woman was in the mood for sex (though I must say it’s a faulty gauge in my book) but it didn’t really “shrivel a man’s libido” nor does it indicate the end of a relationship as the Cosmo author suggested.
Luckily for me Tom agrees and doesn’t seem to feel like he got a raw deal on this one. He could care less what I sleep in, which is good since he now lives with me and my kids and I most often sleep in pajama pants and a sweatshirt. Totally hot, right?
Well let’s just say my sleeping attire hasn’t hurt our sex life at all and if it’s hurting yours there may be more going on there than who is wearing what to bed. Just saying.
Sucked in by The Sister Wives
I spent this past Sunday, like I do most Sundays, curled up on my couch watching television. Unlike most Sundays I wasn’t watching football, baseball or catching up on stuff I’d recorded on my DVR. This week, I’m almost embarrassed to admit, I got sucked into TLC’s marathon of Sister Wives.
I try so hard to avoid reality shows like these but my curiosity got the better of me. Wondering how the dynamics of the Brown family worked as well as how these women functioned in a situation I couldn’t even imagine being in kept me watching all day long. 
So many people in one house? All those kids with the same Dad but different Moms? Four wives for only one husband?
All I could think was “No way in hell.”
I joke with my boyfriend, Tom, all the time that I failed sharing in kindergarten. So while I have no personal or moral objection to the lifestyle Meri, Janelle, Christine and Robyn have chosen I was fascinated to see how they make their polygamous relationship work. Sharing Tom’s time and attention with one other woman is not something I would ever consider, let alone 3 of them.
I struggle with the whole idea of how their sex lives must work too and while I realize it’s none of my business, as someone whose job revolves around other people’s sex lives I couldn’t help but wonder. I couldn’t help but compare it to what I would be able to handle myself.
Only sleeping with Tom one out of every four nights? Knowing that my sex drive would not only have to be worked around kids, work and life but 3 other women’s needs as well? Knowing that when he wasn’t with me he was with someone else, and not just any someone else but someone I knew, someone I considered my ‘sister’ or at least my friend?
Again all I could think was “No way in hell!”
Yet I watched. For hours I watched these women, their husband and their children. Not only did I watch but I learned. I learned about how strong they are. I learned what great mom’s they are. I learned that are truly in love with their husband and care very deeply for each other. I learned that while I wouldn’t choose their lifestyle, it works for them.
I learned that they really aren’t that different from me. 
I have the utmost respect for people who are true to themselves and these women absolutely are. They’re true to themselves, to their faith, to their belief that this lifestyle is right…..for them.
They aren’t putting themselves out there to ‘convert’ the world to their way of life, all they’re doing is trying to shed some light on their situation so maybe people will be a little less judgmental. Maybe outsiders will be a little less afraid of what they don’t know. Maybe folks will remember that above all, the Browns are people, just like the rest of us.
These women love their husband. They love their children, their family and the life they’ve created, just like most women I know.
Thank you, Meri, Janelle, Christine and Robyn for being brave enough and strong enough to share your lives with the world. It’s never easy to be different. It’s never easy to ‘come out of the closet’. But the world will be a better, more open, more accepting place because you have. Stay strong ladies!
Valentine’s Day, Love, and Other Comedies
By Daisy Kincaid
Dear Saint Valentine:
Thanks for the holiday. I’ve noticed Cupid seems to get most of the credit for your day of love, which surprises me because you’re a Catholic saint, and I didn’t think you all were necessarily on board with the whole Roman polytheism thing. Good for you for making the effort to be more multicultural and inclusive. 
As you know, a lot of people aren’t crazy about your holiday. I mean, the coerced, often public, acknowledgement of our affection for another person? That has raised some eyebrows. And as an aside, when my favorite restaurant doubles its prices just for you, I am not entirely convinced I feel twice as loved.
Still, I dig you. I know there’s no valid historical evidence to suggest you were actually executed for performing secret marriages, but I love the story anyway. I love the ritual of sending and receiving valentines – of acknowledging the most special people in our lives, and of indulging in romance, however we define it. Always have. So thanks for that.
My first Valentine was a boy in my third grade class. His name was Corey and he had blonde hair and chubby cheeks. He lived around the corner from me, and I was totally into him, in my third-grade way. And on Valentine’s Day, everyone in our class exchanged those little, paper cartoon valentines and we had cupcakes with pink frosting.
So, as this roomful of third-graders was getting jacked up on sugar and opening our cards, I tried to look nonchalant as I came across Corey’s card to me. I opened it, my scrawny fingers trembling just a bit – probably the sugar – and there it was. A cartoon mummy reaching for the hand of another mummy, a little smile peeking out from between his bandages or whatever they are, with the message “Valentine, I am wrapped up in you.” It was exquisite. It was poetry. It was perfection. Clearly, this was love.
I stole a sideways glance at Corey, sitting across the aisle. He smiled. I smiled back.
And, my friends, that was the beginning, middle, and end of our entire relationship.
We’re still Facebook friends. But we don’t send cartoon mummy valentines these days.
In case you hadn’t guessed, I’m a fan of Valentine’s Day. I know, I don’t *need* a day to remind me to be a loving person. And I really don’t need a day to remind me that being in love is fun and pretty much the most awesome thing ever. I love love. It’s complicated and it’s messy, and it makes us crazy. It reminds us that as together as we may be, one look from the right person at the right time can knock the sense right out of us. In a good way.
But I know Valentine’s Day is not a holiday for the feint of heart. If you’re in a relationship, you are urged plan the romantic equivalent of Mardi Gras, the moon landing, and Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Year’s Eve, all rolled into one.
I see what you couples people have to deal with, and I sympathize. I really do.
But truly, being single on Valentine’s Day is a test of patience. It’s an occasion that makes clear the concept that the world is designed for couples. That everyone is riding along through life on a bicycle built for two. Except you, Daisy. You’re on the red line, wondering how much longer you’re going to be stuck between Charles MGH and Park Street.
Oh, the T. I’ll tell you a secret – I don’t mind being stuck on the T, because while everyone is avoiding eye contact and trying not to accidentally touch hands, I am writing other people’s love stories in my head. They are all stars in my romantic comedies.
That guy in the blue suit? In my head, he and the guy in the grey suit are surreptitiously checking each other out in the reflection of the T windows. They realize they’re wearing the same tie. Blue suit guy makes an admittedly weak joke about what good taste grey suit guy has. Then the train lurches to a stop and they fall into each other’s arms unexpectedly. And when they finally get to South Station, grey suit guy convinces blue suit guy to skip work and have coffee with him.
And they live happily ever after. 
I write those stories every day. Every single one is a romantic comedy. And everyone gets the fairy tale ending.
Maybe it’s silly, but it helps when I feel overwhelmed by the news, my job, and the little cruelties we seem to dish out to one another on a whim.
I have faith in the romantic comedy. There are so many messes to clean up and so many crises that we didn’t cause and will never be able to completely repair. We’re a handful of people in this small building in Boston, thinking that we can change the world. We come in here every day and hope that our contributions will make a difference. Will make *the* difference.
But it’s heavy work, and it’s hard, and we get tired.
And just like anyone who has ever been in love, we are sometimes thought of as fools by those who believe it’s safer to not get involved.
So today, in honor of St. Valentine, I will write love stories in my head for each of you. And I will thank my lucky stars that you have come into my life and shared with me your strength, your humor, and your crazy, courageous love.
Happy Valentine’s Day.
Daisy Kincaid is the PR director for the Unitarian Universalist Association (uua.org), a nonprofit religious organization. Unitarian Universalism is a creedless religion that draws wisdom from a number of faith traditions, and has an “open pulpit,” in that non-ministers sometimes speak at services. This piece was a sermon written for her co-workers at the UUA for a recent chapel service and she hopes many people can take away something positive from it.
Recessionary Romance: How to Keep it Simple, and Inexpensive
It seems like so many people believe romance needs to be expensive and extravagant.
Truth?
Fancy restaurants, expensive flowers, chocolates or jewelry do not always equal romance.
Don’t get me wrong most women, myself included, LOVE when our guys go all out, but I believe the real reason we love it is because thought, time and effort went into creating it.
The same thought, time and effort can be put into an inexpensive, romantic night and your relationship will reap all the same benefits as if you went out and broke the bank.
Here are a few of my favorite ideas to add a little romance and respect you wallet:
~Ask someone to take your children for the night. It can be difficult to set the mood when you have kids running around. To keep it low cost offer to swap babysitting services with another couple. Each of you gets a kid free night and you’ll be helping someone else get a night of romance! It’s a win for all parties.
~Cook your favorite meal together at home. Food can be very erotic! Make this fun and playful. Maybe cook in only an apron? Or wear something hot underneath your regular clothes and tease your sweetie by randomly showing bits of what you have hidden?
If you’d rather explore a new recipe together check the internet or your local library. 
Want a good cookbook? Take a look at “Intercourses: An Aphrodisiac Cookbook” by Martha Hopkins. It talks all about the history behind food and sex, not to mention the amazing erotic photos. Amy Reiley’s “Fork Me Spoon Me” is another great one. A cookbook purchase is a great investment since you’ll be able to create many fabulous meals for endless romantic dinners!
Be sure to create some ambiance with mood lighting, candles, your best dishes, linens and nice glasses. Then sit back, relax and enjoy each other’s company and the meal you created.
~Watch a romantic or erotic movie together. Try renting a classic like “Casablanca,” “The Way We Were” or “When Harry Met Sally” from the library for FREE! How’s that for easy on the budget. Snuggling together on the couch is always romantic. You might even get her to watch a movie you like guys, if she knows there’ll be snuggling involved.
~Make a scrapbook. Locate old photos and memoirs, put them all together and give it to your partner as a gift. Spend the evening enjoying a trip down memory lane. Want another scrapbook idea? Take some suggestive pictures of yourself and create a pillow book. Fill it with quotes, poems, sayings and all things romantic and suggestive!
The bottom line is this, romance should be about connecting and being together rather than about money or gifts. So when trying to romance your partner this Valentine’s Day or any other day for that matter, focus on putting thought, time and effort into it rather than worrying about the dollars.
A Vibrator Lesson from Snooki and the Jersey Shore Girls
Thursday nights at my house are sacred. 
Well, Thursday nights with a new Grey’s Anatomy episode that is. My girls and I all congregate on my couch for our weekly dose of Mc Dreamy, Mc Steamy and all our other favorite Seattle Grace doctors. It’s a tradition that has been going strong since season 2.
Last night was no exception. Only it also consisted of me being conned into watching the train wreck that is Jersey Shore afterwards.
OMG! What an awful show. These kids drive me crazy. I want to slap all of them upside their heads!
I could actually feel my brain cells dying as I watched.
There was however one part of the show I found to be amusing, refreshing and nasty all at the same time. As the cast was moving back into the house on the shore, Snooki and the new roomie Deena started unpacking and their discussion turned to two of my favorite topics, masturbation and vibrators.
Now I love the fact that these girls are so open about both topics but I was disappointed in their poor choice of vibes (Snooki hon, call me! I think it’s time to host a party at the Jersey Shore house) and pretty grossed out at Deena’s offer to share her vibe with her roomie.
I don’t know about you but no matter how much I love my friends, I am NOT sharing my toys with them! Toy cleaner works wonders I am aware, I sell tons of it, but even cleaned I don’t really want to handle vibes that my friends have stuck into their vaginas, let alone stick them into my own.
Yuck!!
Is this really something I need to add to my party talks people? I hope not!
I’m aware we were all taught early on that sharing is the right/ good/nice thing to do but you wouldn’t share your man would you? Then why would you share your toys?
Just saying!
Dry Spell: Surgery Puts Me on Sex Sidelines for 8 Weeks….
With a confirmed diagnosis of endometriosis and my doctor recommending a hysterectomy, I had some serious decisions to make. Decisions, to be honest, I didn’t want to make.
As soon as I started researching endometriosis, I realized a hysterectomy could be in my future. At 35, I was adamantly opposed to the idea. I was in no way ready to go into menopause nor was I ready to deal with the side effects; hot flashes, night sweats, vaginal dryness and loss of libido.
Now understand I love sex!
Ask anyone who knows me. I love talking about sex, reading about it, writing about it, teaching others about it and of course having it. Lots of it! My extremely high sex drive is a vital part of who I am, a part I was terrified of losing.
In my line of work I’ve dealt with many women who have completely lost their desire for sex after a hysterectomy. This was NOT okay with me. I’d rather suffer through my symptoms than lose my sex drive.
Luckily, I have a great relationship with my doctor, one that allows me to be comfortable enough to express my concerns. He quickly assured me that I would be spared early menopause because only my uterus would be removed. By leaving my ovaries he could spare me the side effects I was most concerned about.
I did have other options, long term use of pain pills, using lasers to remove the endometriosis, birth control pills and a few other medication options but none of these were guaranteed to work nor were they permanent fixes. I also had to consider that once my divorce was final I would no longer have insurance which meant treatments that would require expensive medicine or repeated operations weren’t viable options for me.
After a few months of being my typical self and putting off any actual decision about my treatment I met with my doctor again to discuss the details. We covered all my options again and he explained the hysterectomy procedure and recovery.
“And no sex for about 8 weeks .“he said, almost like an afterthought.
The look on my face must have been priceless, the doctor busted out laughing.
“Not funny.” I replied. “You do realize people have to live with me, right?”
I was quickly and seriously reconsidering the surgical route.
8 weeks with no sex? Me?
I’ve gone longer but it wasn’t easy, I was not a pleasant person and I was in an unhappy relationship at the time. Not even close to the situation I’m in currently.
Still laughing he asks “Would it help at all if I said you could do everything but actual penetration at about 3-4 weeks?”
As I contemplated this he joked further that most women asked him to tell their spouses they needed 12 weeks “off”.
Yeah, well I am not one of those women! 2 weeks is too long for me. Hell, two days is too long for me.
When I came home and talked to Tom about the surgery and my new reservations about having it, he quickly made me look at the bigger picture. I was currently losing a week or more every month being in pain and not feeling well due to the endometriosis. A hysterectomy would give me that time back.
No more periods, no more pain, no more spending days in bed feeling like crap. Maybe I could go 8 weeks without sex.
I did some more research, talked to people who’d been through it, weighed the pro’s and con’s, debated whether there a was better time to have it done and…….
Last week had my uterus removed.
Only a week into my recovery I can’t tell you whether or not it’s worth it but I can say, for me, it was the best option. As for how I’ll handle the 7 more weeks of no sex, stay tuned. I’m sure I’ll be venting my frustration soon.
“While we’re in there…”
“I’d like to get you set up for exploratory surgery to confirm my suspicion of endometriosis and while we’re in there, we can just tie your tubes.”
These are the words that came out my gynecologist’s mouth earlier this summer. Words that have since turned my entire life upside down, forced me to have conversations before I was ready and made me decide things about my future that I wasn’t quite prepared to do.
Endometriosis is, for those unfamiliar with the term, the abnormal growth of cells (endometrial cells) similar to those that form the inside of the uterus, but in a location outside the uterus, causing pain, irregular bleeding, and possible infertility.
Sounds like fun right?
Now understand I was only in the doctor’s office for my yearly check-up and to look into my birth control options. There was a side of my divorce I hadn’t thought about beforehand. Ug!
So, I answered all the doctor’s questions, expressed a few, what I thought were minor, concerns, then BAM! He just blurts out the previously mentioned statement.
I was unprepared to say the least. Surgery? Endometri…what? Tie my tubes?
Wait. Couldn’t we just talk birth control pills? Oh that’s right, I hate birth control pills. They make me put on weight and they KILL my sex drive! Shit, does that mean I have to think about doing something permanent?
Endometriosis? Wasn’t there a non-surgical way to diagnosis it? Did this mean hospital stays and anesthesia? I HATE hospitals and really dislike being put under.
AAAHHHH…..I was freaking out.
Was I really ready to be done having kids? I thought so, that’s why I made my ex-husband have a vasectomy 8 weeks after my daughter was born. But I’d just started dating (is it dating if you live 800+ miles apart and do most of your talking through bbm and social media? Just curious.) this amazing guy who has no kids. What if he wanted kids? Do I ask him? Would I actually consider having kids with him? How do I ask that when we’ve only seen each other in person once and have been “dating” for less than a month?
AAAHHHHHH!!!
Luckily for me, Tom, the fabulous guy I was “seeing”, was available to talk right after my appointment. He took me down a few notches and put me back into a rational frame of mind. We talked about the options, whether or not my symptoms were bad enough to warrant the surgery and yes, we talked about kids. Now there’s something that pushes your relationship to the next level, whether you’re ready or not.
After a few weeks of talking to people and researching the alternatives, I made the decision to have the exploratory surgery and have my tubes tied. I wasn’t thrilled about it but in the end it was the right thing for me.
Tom, sweetheart that he is, extended his trip this summer, so he was here for the surgery and even though I didn’t recover quite and quickly as I expected it wasn’t as bad as I’d made it in my head.
It’s a bit of a relief, I admit, to know that I’m officially over the baby making stage of my life. I mean, I love my children, but they are 9 & 12 and I’m realizing I no longer have the patience for little ones that I did in my 20’s.
If I’m completely honest, I’m a little sad that Tom won’t get to experience having a child of his own. He is incredible Daddy material after all, but much to my delight, has decided that being with me and my 2 kids is enough.
So much so, that we’ve gone from “dating”, to him picking up and moving away from all he knows to live with us. Maybe having to talk about serious, life altering things before I was ready worked in my favor. LOL
The surgery provided the doctor with the proof he needed for a diagnosis. I do have endometriosis and another, much more involved surgery in my very near future. One that I’m sure you’ll be hearing lots about since I’m not exactly happy about it and will need somewhere to vent. So stay tuned.
Give it a Try: Buy Him Penthouse
Men and women are different.
Thought I’d point that out in case you haven’t been paying attention.
Specifically, though, I’m referring to the differences in the way men and women are sexually stimulated.
It’s a well know fact that men are generally more turned on by what they see.
Be grateful for this, ladies, it gives us the excuse we need to buy that hot little dress we’ve been eying and spend money, we may or may not have, on great lingerie!
On the other hand, the experts will tell you that most women need to be romanced intellectually. But I believe that using words, spoken and written, to stimulate a sexual situation, creates an environment where both parties can be equally and strongly affected.
Have you ever read Penthouse Forum? How about a romance or erotic novel? Now be honest, did it turn you on? Did it make you want to rush home to create your own version? 
Your mind is the largest sexual organ in the body and what better way to get it going than with sexually explicit stories or well written seduction scenes? Your imagination can create better pictures than any video, or centerfold in a magazine.
Give it a try. Read your way to some amazing sex. Studies have shown that women who read romance/erotic novels not only have sex twice as often but experience greater sexual satisfaction as well.
Patricia Love, author of “Hot Monogamy” routinely suggests in her workshops that women spend time enjoying romance novels. “I believe that reading stories about lustful women can give a sexually inhibited woman the permission she needs she needs to be a more passionate lover- especially when she reads the books last thing at night.” If your libido is currently on a down slide this may be just the thing!
I believe this doesn’t only pertain to women, if you’re brave enough, you and your partner could read aloud to each other. If you’re not ready for that, start by listening to an audio book together. I know Anne Rice’s erotic trilogy “Sleeping Beauty” is available in audio form if you’re looking for a suggestion. Warning, it may be a bit much for some, browse the books first to see if it’s the type of thing that turns you and your sweetie on.
Think your guy won’t go for this? Try buying him a copy of Penthouse, but he only gets it if he reads the Penthouse forum aloud to you. This is a great way to spur discussions and increase your comfort with talking about it.
Prefer an actual story line instead of just sex? Here is a list of authors I personally feel are worth checking out. If the genre is new to you, stop in your local book store. Read a couple pages of numerous authors, figure out what works for you. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how quickly these can get you worked up. Many erotic writer’s have blogs that are worth checking out too. Scott Noir’s Smoldering Prose is just one of my favorites.
If you’ve got a favorite author or blog, please share! I’m always looking for someone new to read!
10 Sexy Ways to Make your Summer Sizzle
Summer is the perfect time to turn up the heat in your relationship. Like your outdoor activities, your indoor games should be more active, and more fun. Try any of these tips to give your relationship the heat wave it deserves, and to stay warm into the autumn months:
10. Start a sexy dialog with your sweetie before you get home from work with a few suggestive texts. Sexting is fun and can really get the juices flowing. Not sure how to begin? Use these for inspiration. 
9. Greet him wearing something other than cut off shorts and a comfy t-shirt. Try a lacy bra & panty set, a garter belt and stockings or sexy body stocking. The surprise factor alone will have his temperature, among other things, rising.
8. Ladies, think you need to wait for him in order to get some action? Think again. Believe it or not the more orgasms you have the more your body craves. So grab your favorite toy and let your fantasies take you where they will.
7. Rub more than sun tan lotion onto each other this summer; try any of the fun lotions & potions out there to help you set or get in the mood. Play with massage oils, foot lotions, and sensation balms. Anything that has you putting your hands on each other is bound to lead to a steamy encounter.
6. Expand your mind and intensify your sex life by watching what I like to call “Smut-u-cation”. Check out the lines of educational DVD’s that contain great info to help you enhance your bedroom activities with just enough smut to keep it enticing and entertaining for both of you.
5. Turn an ordinary, everyday task like cooking dinner into an erotic activity. Pick up a copy of “Intercourses: an aphrodisiac cookbook” and try creating some of the dishes together. Find out for yourselves if there’s any truth to the links between food and desire.
4. After dinner, freshen up your lips with a penis-shaped lipstick…he’ll get the hint. Or try a lip gloss that’s designed to add warming-cooling sensations to your oral activities!
3. Add a little flavor to the parts of your body that are feeling neglected to make sure they get the attention you crave. Edible body paints, flavored lubes and edible body powders are available in lots of yummy flavors. Have dessert on each other!
2. Give foreplay the time it deserves by playing a game before you get down to business. 
Sex should be fun; try having “A Hot Affair….with your Partner” or taking a gamble with “Sex Casino”.
1. Host a pleasure party this summer! You’ll have a great time with friends, get a chance to see some of the afore mentioned products first hand and leave feeling empowered & inspired to give your sex life the attention it deserves. It’s the perfect way to ensure that you & your partner make time for each other. I mean, who could resist with all those fun new things to play with?
